Rant: Fuck FedEx

I was alerted yesterday via email to expect a FedEx delivery today that required my signature.  As such, I stayed home the entire day waiting for either a knock on the door or the doorbell to ring – neither occurred.

Finally, around 3:00pm I decided to go check the mail when, lo and behold, there it was – a FedEX “sorry we missed you” sticker stating that they would try to deliver the package on 1/2/2018.

As previously stated, there was neither a knock on my door nor a ring of the doorbell the entirety of the day.  As a matter of fact, the FedEx door tag stated that the “attempt” to deliver the parcel was made at 12:20pm — however, I was watching television at that time and my couch is about 10 feet from the front door — would I not have heard a knock or the doorbell???

I set out to call FedEx customer service – finally speaking to a live person after navigating their automated call center.  I informed the customer service representative that I received a sticker on my door stating a delivery attempt was made while also informing her that I had remained home all day awaiting that magical knock on the door or ring of the bell.  She “apologized” and stated that the next delivery “attempt” would be made on 1/2/2018.  I informed her I needed the parcel today for the weekend.  She said – “sorry sir, but this was sent FedEx Ground and we do not make a second attempt in the same day on Ground delivery” — I happily replied “Well, that is great – because a first attempt was never made — merely a hastily written door tag stuck to my door without any actual “attempt” to deliver the parcel” — without understanding this logic, she retorted that an “attempt” was indeed made — sensing I was getting nowhere, I asked for a manager/supervisor (who I assume is whoever lost a bet that day to pretend to be the one in charge) — another few minutes passed before “Lewis” joined the line and began to restate exactly what the CSR already stated.  I had a go at explaining the logic of what an actual delivery “attempt” was and he then said something ridiculous – “Sir, I am very sorry you did not hear your doorbell”

WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY?!?

Yes – he actually blamed me – stating that I did not hear my own doorbell – which is in perfect working order – whose chime is on the wall behind the couch where I had been sitting watching television.

I gave him a crash course in customer service and informed him that blaming the customer for the driver’s cavalier attitude towards delivering a package was no way to operate a business.  He then apologized (all these apologies amount to zilch).  He stated he would “attempt” (there’s that word again) to contact the dispatch and determine if they would authorize a second “attempt” — I let this go as I knew actual common sense was above and beyond the pay grade of the FedEx customer service department — and stated that, if he could not get in touch with them, they would try again on 1/2/2018.

I laughingly (but seriously) replied that I was 10000000000% sure that I would not be receiving any package today and then wondered whether I would ever receive the package or whether it would somehow “go missing” in the warehouse.

So, as of now, I have no parcel and god knows when (or if) I will ever receive it.

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